the-tao-of-work

Reducing chaos through Journaling

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 17:25:42 +0100

We all have tons of thoughts running through our minds, at lightning speed.

We're so used to this phenomena that most of us have developed - unconsciously - coping mechanisms to manage these thoughts.

Some of the most common coping mechanisms? Ignoring the thoughts; tuning into other sources of information - conversation with someone else, reading, or TV. But the more we try to push them away, the more these thoughts persist. And the more they persist, the more we believe them.

Most of us have gotten to the point where we tune into our mental chatter, allowing ourselves to obsess over its messages. These messages can be annoying, harmful and completely false. But the more we tune in and believe the chatter, the more power it has to shape our experience.

What's the solution? Many people favor meditation as a method to clear the mental chatter and attain a quiet mind.

I have another suggestion.

JOURNALING.

Yes, writing it down. At first this seems counter-intuitive. If I want my thoughts to have less power over me, why would I give them the time and attention of writing them down?

Writing down irrational thoughts or worries actually lessens their power. Sometimes, just like humans, all our irrational thoughts need, is to be acknowledged.

A second benefit? Putting your thoughts into the objective space created through journaling - which is similar to the objective space created through the coaching process - creates distance between you and your thoughts.

Once a thought is written down, it is no longer a part of you. It is a separate entity that exists in a space outside of your mind. You can consider it from a place of distance, of separation.

Better yet, you may no longer need to consider it anymore. Just like shining a light into a child's closet can make a lurking monster disappear, shining a light on your thoughts can reduce their power.

What happens when you reduce the power of your repetitive thoughts? You reduce their impact in your life - including anxiety, feelings of uncertainty, obsessiveness, and worry.

The result? A happier, freer you!

Choosing your focus

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:49:06 +0100

Have you ever heard the phrase "Perception is Reality"?

I first learned its application in the corporate world. Working in a department that was responsible for giving out, rather than bringing in, money, we felt pressured to manage others' perception of our actions.

In a down economy, we made sure employees understood that our contributions to the community were made for critical reasons, not for frivolous ones. For example we might choose to invest in a homeless shelter whose numbers had spiked, rather than naming the new wing of a museum. A few too many calls to senior management might result in our budget getting cut disproportionately.

The value of actively managing our own perception is even more vital outside of corporate politics.

In our daily lives, the difference between perceiving something as a threat and perceiving it as an opportunity can change our entire experience.

For example, I was laid off last year from a lucrative, high profile job. It was a job that many people saw as a dream job, and that gave me a clear and healthy balance between my work and my personal life.

When I was laid off, I had a choice. I could perceive the experience as a threat or I could see it as an opportunity.

Reasons to view the layoff as a threat:

The economy was down, and new jobs were few and far between
It's been documented that it's easier to get a new job when you have a job
I was in the middle of negotiating the purchase of a more expensive home
Our two-income household was reduced to one income

Let's play out the next steps in this scenario. Driven by fear, I might have convinced myself that I needed to jump back into the job market, spending my days scouring the internet and my professional connections.

Because my job search would be motivated by my perception that the layoff had created a void in my life, I'd be looking for a new job to fill that void. Prospective employers and networking contacts would sense my neediness, which would raise a red flag.

Given the economic climate, it might take me months to find my next job, and my doom and gloom prophecy - layoff as threat - would have been fulfilled.

How else might this scenario play out? Let's shift our perception to the sphere of opportunity.

Reasons to view the layoff as an opportunity:

I didn't find the job as fulfilling as I'd initially thought I would
Something inside was telling me to explore a profession in coaching, to find a better fit with my passions
I might not have had the courage to walk away from the security of my job during a down economy
I was given a few months of buffer time that I could use to relax and plan my next move
Despite the common assumption that a layoff is a bad thing, I felt strangely calm and confident about the future

In the end, I chose to view the layoff as an opportunity. I took a chance on my dreams, got certified as a professional coach, and launched my own business. The result? I'm happier and more fulfilled than ever before in my career.

The bottom line?

Our perceptions - which we can consciously choose - shape the actions we take and, therefore, the results we create.

The next time you are threatened by something in your life, step back and consider how else you might look at it. This small perceptual shift could make all the difference.

The enemy within

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 17:34:53 +0100

Lately, I've been reading The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience.

It's a great read, and it fell into my lap just as I agreed to lead a training on coaching skills for nonprofit managers. An example of perfect synchronicity.

As I go through each chapter, I distill the tips into my presentation. The process has been relatively straightforward so far.

Until. Today, I came across Chapter 6, which focuses on engaging one's audience using the classic hero-villain storyline.

I have to find a villain? I thought frantically. In coaching?

My mind went blank. Coaching is a practice of finding out what really motivates us, and applying it to proactively shape our ideal lives. It's about moving toward the light, not fighting the darkness.

Or is it?

Aha! In moving toward the light, I realized, the enemy is the darkness.

According to Eckhart Tolle, whose bestseller A New Earth reached millions via live webcasts with Oprah, most people alive today are in a state of darkness, which he calls unconsciousness.

In this state of unconsciousness, we act instinctively, and oftentimes from a place of fear.

In coaching, the client works to uncover her motivations. These motivations, camouflaged but readily identifiable, can be divided into two categories.

We either act from the fear motivator, a place of pain avoidance, or from the passion motivator - a place of conscious alignment with our highest values and goals.

Through coaching, an individual sorts out the fear motivators from the passion motivators, gains clarity on the passion motivators, and shapes his life from a place of conscious choice.

As you may imagine, the results are quite extraordinary.

Becoming conscious is a process that each of us can begin today, whether we work with a coach or not.

Moments of heightened emotion draw our attention to triggers - triggers of fears and passions. By sorting out the two, and choosing to align our lives with our passions, we can conquer the enemy within.

So go forth and conquer. And, as a great hero once said, may the Schwartz be with you.

The truth about job satisfaction

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 18:14:47 +0100

A recent report by the Conference Board found that job satisfaction in the US has dropped to a record low of 45%.

More than 55% of Americans are unhappy in their jobs, with a whopping 64% of workers under age 25 reporting dissatisfaction.

We have many ideas and opinions about what's most important in a job. Top water-cooler theories include:

Money (the more the better)
A supportive boss
Nice coworkers
Flexible schedule
Good benefits (healthcare, anyone?)
Fit with the mission/values of the employer
Length of commute (the shorter, the better)

These are all important factors to consider when evaluating your fit with a position. But they're not the most critical.

Research has shown that the content of your job is more important than the context of your job.

In other words, what you do every day is more important than why you do it, or the coworkers you work with.

The good news is that we all have different skills that we enjoy using and skills that we hate using. In the working world, one person's trash truly is another person's treasure.

For example, I love listening to people, and helping them to understand what drives them. I love learning what's important to others, what makes them happy, what gives them strength.

I have some friends with very short attention spans. They can barely sit still to listen to a short story, let alone work with clients one-on-one for 45 minutes at a time.

My definition of a dream job - coaching others to achieve their potential - would be my friends' definition of torture. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Individual tastes and differences help ensure our job security.

The missing link in this formula, where many people are unemployed and underemployed, is that at least 55% of us haven't found the job that best utilizes our talents.

Think about the last time you were doing something you loved. You were excited, happy, and felt confident and free. If you could bottle that feeling, you would.

Good news - you can bottle that feeling. Here's the recipe. Jot down what you were doing when you felt it. Then jot down every other thing you've done that made you feel that way. Then look at how you can create more of those moments in your life.

Every time you've created another "doing something you love" moment, you've opened the bottle.

Now imagine if your workday consisted of moment after moment of that feeling. Imagine how happy you'd be. Now imagine your boss, coworkers, clients, vendors, and anyone you interact with during the day. If you were constantly in that space of being excited, happy, confident and free, how would people respond to you?

Chances are, you'd become pretty popular. Clients would want to work with you, coworkers would want to partner with you, and your boss would want to keep you happy.

Think about how that would affect your outputs at work. Sales would be up, your performance measurements would be high, and you'd count supporters across the company as members of your personal fan club.

Now imagine there's an economic downturn. Your company has to make cuts. In assessing who to cut, they're likely looking at a combination of outputs and fit.

Because you've become a model employee who is exceeding expectation, luring in and keeping clients, and bringing joy to everyone around them, the cost to the company of letting you go is much greater.

And viola, there's your job security.

Bottom line? Improve your job satisfaction by doing what you love. You'll be happier, and your job will be safer.

Celebrating our top achievements in 2009

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 17:19:47 +0100

At the end of the year, media outlets around the world are reflecting on the past calendar year.

We review lists of top movies, books, articles and inventions.

We remember the lives of those who have passed from this world.

And, in our personal lives, many of us are thinking about what we want to change going forward. We make New Year's resolutions.

New Year's resolutions are great because they are forward-thinking, proactive statements about how we want to live in the world. But implicit in New Year's resolutions are also critiques of how we've been living our lives to date.

How many of us actually take the time to look back and celebrate our accomplishments over the past year? We can take a celebratory cue from the media, and compile our own top 10 lists.

The value in celebrating our accomplishments is to give ourselves credit for the good we've done in the world.

When we're constantly looking at what needs fixing, we can drain ourselves of the very energy it takes to fix those things.

So, to personalize the media practice, here are 3 suggested Top 10 lists that each of us can compile.

Top 10 professional accomplishments. So maybe you're not running the company yet. But what about all of those projects you aced, deadlines you met, new connections you made, and knowledge you gained? And, in this economy, just keeping your job (or getting one, if you were out of work) is a huge accomplishment.
Top 10 personal accomplishments. Strides you've made in your personal life, whether making a new friend, healing a relationship, deepening a relationship, or cultivating a hobby. These are the activities that bring meaning and depth to your life.
Top 10 happiness-inducing activities. This is the most random and free-flowing of the lists. Include top events in 2009 that have increased your happiness and added color to your life. It could be a trip to an amusement park, an unexpected road trip, a phone conversation with a friend that lasted for hours, a concert where you danced the night away. By reflecting on those activities that increased your joy, you become conscious of future opportunities to increase your happiness.

Remember, each of us has overcome much in the last year. Every stride you've made towards happiness and fulfillment deserves acknowledgement.

Once you've assessed your year from a Top 10 perspective, know that your lists comprise the ever-growing foundation on which you'll build your accomplishments and joy in 2010.

Whatever goals or resolutions you've set don't exist in isolation. They are that much closer to you because of the work you've done in the past year. Congratulations, you're well on your way to achieving your goals! Happy New Year!!!

Up in the Air: George Clooney and getting laid off

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:47:23 +0100

Yesterday I saw a great movie - "Up in the Air" starring George Clooney. In the movie, Clooney plays a man whose job is to fire employees who companies are too squeamish to handle the ugly task themselves.

As you can imagine, much of what Clooney says to the laid-off is carefully worded due to legal restrictions. His words of consolence come across as trite and incomprehensible to his newly unemployed audience.

To paraphrase, Clooney's signature line is: because you've gone through this experience, you are in a position to build empires.

A more poetic way of expressing this idea is quoted in the book The Passion Test. "We do not succeed in spite of our obstacles and challenges. We succeed precisely because of them." - Richard Paul Evans, author of The Christmas Box.

For the many who have been laid off, or who are unhappy in their jobs, how can we apply this wisdom in our lives?

Having been raised on fairy tales, we tend to fixate on happy endings, overlooking the evil agendas or hardships that befall the characters along the way.

But if Cinderella had not been the stepdaughter of a social climber, perhaps she would have never met her prince. If Snow White had not been poisoned, she might never have met the seven dwarfs. And on and on.

At this year's Massachusetts Conference for Women, I heard Suze Orman tell her life story. In short, she was a waitress who dreamed of owning a restaurant. Having raised $50,000 to start her business, she unknowingly signed the money into risky investments and lost all her money.

Let's reflect on Suze' options at this point in her story. One of her options was to take this loss as a sign that she would never be more than a waitress. She could have wallowed in self-pity the rest of her days, spreading misery among her customers and perhaps losing her job when the restaurant closed in a down economy.

But Suze Orman chose another path. Mystified by her experience, Suze set out to learn all she could about investments. She got a job with Merrill Lynch, the bank that had lost her money. She learned that what had happened to her was illegal and sued her employer. Today, she rights the wrong she experienced by educating women to take care of their money.

The lesson we can take away from "Up in the Air," Richard Paul Evans, and Suze Orman? Life presents us with hardships. We don't expect the hardships, and it's natural to complain when they happen.

But those hardships are actually gifts in disguise. Inherent in disparities are the opportunities to overcome them. Once we overcome them, we learn that we are stronger, braver and more capable than we ever thought possible.

We may find a new mission in life thanks to our hardships, like Suze Orman did. We may have a new gift to share with other people. Because we all need teachers and mentors in our life. And we all have the capacity to be those teachers.

So keep your chin up when bad things happen. Because if Suze had never lost her money, she might be running a restaurant somewhere in the midwest, working nights and weekends to make ends meet.

The next disaster in your life may be the best thing that ever happened to you. So keep alert, and seek out the opportunities to build your empire.

How work impacts our happiness

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:18:22 +0100

I had the distinct privilege of attending Marcus Buckingham's workshop at last week's Massachusetts Conference for Women, titled "Find your Strongest Life."

Marcus' work has heavily influenced both my career path and my client work in recent years.

After learning his strengths-based career navigation system, I put in place his strategies to figure out what my ideal job would be. I learned that I love working one-on-one to serve others. I love empowering people to undergo personal and professional transformation. And I love being an entrepreneur.

Enter my career and life coaching practice, which is the most rewarding vocation I've had to date. I've witnessed firsthand how one's satisfaction at the office contributes to happiness in all aspects of their life.

Data backs up the strong relationship between happiness at home and at work. Intrigued? Check out this great BusinessWeek article.

In his session, Marcus Buckingham outlined the top four things that affect women's happiness. In the following order: Health, Marriage, Friends, and Work. Further, I'll submit that the right job allows women time to achieve ideal health, a strong marriage and strong friendships.

In today's world, what we do is very closely linked with our concept of who we are. If we feel that we're contributing to society, to our communities and to our families, we're much more likely to report feeling satisfied.

Conversely, if we feel we're wasting our time on work that drains us, disillusionment can leak into other areas of our lives.

If something isn't working in your life, take action now. Don't let it pull you into a downward spiral. Recognize that you deserve the very best that life has to offer, and make a plan to turn things around. Need someone to help you through the process? Enlist a family member, friend, or professional to support you in achieving your goals.

Having personally experienced the transformational power of coaching, I believe that with the right support network, we can make all of our dreams come true. All it takes is the belief that you're worth it, and the commitment to see yourself through.

Guerilla Networking at Holiday Parties

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:02:30 +0100

This time of year, our schedules are packed with business holiday parties. Many of us enjoy them, and many dread them.

For some, holiday parties have become a necessary evil. Not everyone enjoys interacting with coworkers on a social basis (I'm one of the lucky ones to have had outstanding coworkers), yet the pressure to make an appearance is strong.

How can we transform our experience of the corporate holiday party from dread to enjoyment? With a little bit of planning.

First, think about your goals in the workplace. While the holiday party is not a place to conduct business, it's a perfect setting to build the foundation for a future move.

Are you hoping to get promoted this year? Maybe you'd like to make a lateral move into another department. Maybe you're sick of your company and are getting ready to make a professional leap.

Once you're clear on your professional goals, assess the players you'll meet at the parties on your calendar.

If you're looking for a promotion, it may benefit you to get noticed by senior management. It would also behoove you to make your boss happy. Think about ways you can make this happen.

For example, a well-placed comment to a senior exec about something your boss accomplished this year, ideally made in front of your boss. Be careful, though, as everyone can sniff out a brown-noser. You want to make sure your comments are timely, relevant and genuine.

If you're looking to jump ship, think about what other departments or companies may be represented at your parties. If they are entirely made up of your departmental coworkers, keep in mind that they have friends and family at other companies and in other departments. Make it your job to learn who they are. Begin to think about how you might build connections with those folks in a way that is casual yet useful.

If you're going to a mixer where you'll meet people from across multiple industries, think about which industries or job functions are most interesting to you. You don't have to be plotting an immediate move, but it will always benefit you to have contacts across multiple industries.

Do some research about the people and industries that will be represented at your party, then zero in on a few of them.

For example, if you've always been intrigued by start-ups and you know that several early-stage software companies will be represented at your upcoming party, investigate those companies and the products they're rolling out. Look for recent industry news about local players and deals.

The research you do prior to a holiday party can prime you for some useful conversations. Not only will you have a basis from which to ask useful questions about an industry that interests you, but you'll also be well-placed to build relationships with professionals who will likely think you're in touch with the world.

No matter what your goal or audience, the number one way to build relationships is to show interest in others. People love to be the center of attention. They love to be considered the expert, and enjoy being asked about their experiences and opinions.

If you're feeling bored at a holiday party, approach someone you don't know well and ask them about themselves (be careful not to ask questions that may be considered too personal or controversial in a business environment, like religion, politics or romantic relationships). At the very least, you'll build a relationship that will make the party more bearable. At most... well, the sky's the limit.

New Year's Resolutions - why wait?

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 17:58:30 +0100

As the year winds down, many of us are feeling rushed. Holiday shopping and end-of-year deadlines are compounded by endless celebrations and holiday parties.

With all of this chaos, it's hard to set aside time to reflect on the past year.

Most of us have things we'd like to change about our lives. Maybe its a habit, like smoking, overeating, or overspending. Maybe we'd like to create a healthier lifestyle, make time for a committed relationship, or re-imagine our career.

Committing to making changes is a great step. But all too often, New Years resolutions go by the wayside within the first three months of the year. Any gym manager can confirm this trend.

So what is getting in our way of making substantive, lasting changes in our lives?

First, waiting for a specific time of year to act can be a crutch. We postpone making change until a magical date, when our lives begin again as we enter a new year. But in the process of waiting for January 1st, we've developed a toxic new habit - procrastination.

Second, in postponing change, we're signaling to ourselves that something outside of ourselves (a date on the calendar) is more powerful than our internal desire to change. Once we've internalized this message, it's easy to be thrown off course by external events or circumstances.

Third, by delaying change, we're telling ourselves that it's okay - and even normal - to live a life that is less than what we want. Would you share that message with your friends? Your children? No? Then don't accept it for yourself.

Finally, many of us make new years resolutions because our society expects it. It's one of the top questions we're asked this time of year. When we pledge change because of external - rather than internal - motivators, we're practically destined to fail, unless the external motivator triggers an internal motivator. For example, if your boss tells you to dress more professionally (external motivator) you're more likely to change because of your desire to keep your job (internal motivator).

If you're serious about making a change, get clear on what you want and why you want it. Then just go for it! Don't wait.

If you're content with your life (congratulations!), please don't feel you have to commit to a goal just because everyone else is doing it. If you fail, it may erode your confidence in your ability to succeed. I'd refer to this effect as a "false negative" because the circumstances practically guarantee a poor outcome.

Instead, stay alert throughout the year to opportunities to improve your life. Then act on them as they come up. You'll be happier and more confident as you make small adjustments, successfully, throughout the year.

Ambition and family - when all your eggs are in one basket

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:08:42 +0100

Members of Generation X, those of us in our 30s to mid 40s, particularly those of us living in major metropolitan areas, are delaying marriage and children later than any generation before us.

Why do we put off these milestones, known to prior generations as rites of passage into adulthood?

Many of us are focused on establishing ourselves as adults in our own right. Gen X is known for its focus on individuality, expressing ourselves through technology and an ever-younger and more casual tastes in fashion and music.

We are among the most educated of all generations, with a substantial rate of participation in college and graduate school. We are also among the most ambitious, with many workaholics leading the pack as we firmly establish ourselves as successful professionals.

What happens when the focus on career trumps family planning? In many cases, men and women establish a healthy dose of self-esteem as we become financially self-sufficient and rise in the ranks at work.

Because marriage is less of a financial necessity, we've become pickier, looking for the right fit rather than settling. We are also jaded, given the high rate of divorce in the U.S. We look more carefully at our prospective spouses. Those who realize they've made a mistake are more apt to divorce sooner, with an increasing rate of divorcees under 30.

While becoming less dependent on a spouse to provide financial support and happiness is healthy, many Gen Xers transfer their hopes and expectations for fulfillment onto their jobs. As a result, the relative importance of our satisfaction at work increases.

Today, many Xers find themselves in a similar dilemma. Many have changed jobs several times in the search for satisfaction, and the less risk-averse among us have stayed put, having committed themselves to a specific path.

How can we increase our job satisfaction? The first step is to recognize that there is no such thing as a perfect job.

Every job requires adjustments. It is often through identifying our top challenges, formulating and executing plans to overcome them, that we achieve our potential in the workplace.

Examples include asking for a well-deserved raise or promotion. Navigating a difficult manager or coworker. Redesigning our jobs so as to make the best use of our talents and passions. Speaking up when ethics are being breached.

It's also important to remember is that the source of our happiness is never outside ourselves. Many of us imagine that if we had the perfect job, relationship, etc. we'd be happy. But the choice to be happy is one we make in every moment of our lives.

Imagine you had everything you wanted right now. The perfect ... you fill in the blank. Allow yourself to feel the joy and satisfaction that you'd feel. Now recognize that you've chosen to feel this feeling. You can make this choice any time of day, any day you choose. So choose to be happy. And the external circumstances will follow.