In the workplace, as in every other sphere of life, we are often faced with disappointment.

Disappointment occurs when our expectations aren't met.

For example, a job seeker who has gone through three rounds of interviews and feels she is going to get an offer will likely feel disappointment if the offer doesn't come through.

When tracing disappointment to its root cause, we will first encounter a mismatch between expectations and reality.

The next step is to examine the source of the expectations.

In the job seeker example, the job seeker has performed well enough throughout the interview process to draw the assumption that she has the skills the hiring manager is looking for.

As the job seeker gets closer and closer to her goal, she is more likely to picture herself accepting the role, envisioning herself working in the office, and wondering how much additional money she'll make when hired.

She has begun the process of identifying with the role.

All of us identify with roles and objects, and even with people, throughout our lives.  This is a function of the ego, to differentiate the self from others by giving the self a clear and distinctive identity.

The job seeker may say to herself, "I am a highly qualified candidate who is about to be offered a new position."  In other parts of her life she may think of herself as a daughter, a wife, a mother, an artist, a home-owner, a dog-lover, etc.

These titles aren't problematic in and of themselves.  The problem arises when we use these titles, or these expected titles, to define ourselves.

The job seeker won't feel disappointment as acutely if she hasn't yet assigned herself the title of new employee, or successful interviewer.  Before she has identified with the job, she has no expectation that the job is hers.

By not identifying with a role, title or external object, we prevent the formation of expectations, and thus the disappointment that occurs when a job, role or item is not given to us or is taken away.

Also, by seeking to identify ourselves in the realm that lies beyond the objects we own or the titles we hold, we open ourselves up for a richer definition of who we are.